I found out that my brain has an auto-off switch.
It was after all the challenges of the last year. I had my spell in the hospital, dealt with a friend who needed a lot of mental support, had two unfortunate incidents while out and about, toyed with the energy of the fire dragon (Druid Animal Oracle) and experienced an unexpected death. My go-to place to relax was the allotment. Some of the members there have a challenging way of communicating.
These incidents aren’t what this article is about. It’s about the effect on me and what I learned. After all of these incidents, I started falling asleep at random moments. I was sitting on a bus with five stops to go, fell asleep, and only woke up because my partner noticed.
I discussed this with my therapist, who told me it sounded like an autistic shutdown. After thinking about the symptoms and researching online, I concluded that she was probably right.
“The reactions of autistic ‘meltdown’ and ‘shutdown’ can be viewed as extreme expressions of the ‘fight or flight’ response.”
What exactly is autism? by Damian Milton
I found another article about Autistic Grief that explained that what is happening is that the emotional core of my brain was too overloaded.
I won’t copy the article, but many of the suggested steps are excellent advice about how to help. It also showed me this fascinating video insight:
The executive function uses less brainpower in a neurotypical (NT) person. Emotions also use less brainpower. In an autistic person, both of these things take up more space. In the NT brain, there is more free space to process these things, whereas in an autistic brain, if either the emotions or executive function overflows, then a meltdown or shutdown occurs. Or, as succinctly put on Ambitious about Autism: Meltdowns and Shutdowns:
“An analogy for a shutdown is like a computer trying to turn on, but it can’t because there isn’t enough power to do so.”
Ambitious about Autism: Meltdowns and Shutdowns
It’s essential to understand what is happening and why it is happening. After experiencing this, I took a little time off work to do nothing. I had all these thoughts, plans and ideas. I researched shutdowns, worked out some models for helping myself and went on a few long walks. I also took a course about Deepening your Connection with Nature, which allowed me to find an exercise to deal with feeling overwhelmed at a particular moment. Ultimately, I got to a place where I was relaxed enough to return.
I found these explanations fascinating as they were similar to what I experienced. However, every autistic person’s experience of this is different.
I put into place a few rules that I found helpful from the Autistic Grief article:
- When feeling overwhelmed, I close my eyes and identify the quietest noise. Open my eyes and identify any routes that any living being follows in the immediate environment.
- A person is either a non-friend, friend radar or close friend, as explained in this handy ico-graphic on Autistic Grief: Relationship.
- I will take one day of being alone to do whatever I need every two weeks.
- I need to build into my routine time to do something spiritual, following my special interest.
- I will also follow any special interests in the workplace but will pace myself.
- I will limit the amount of things I will involve myself in.
- I will also constantly remind myself that some things aren’t my problem.
- Joining the Facebook Group: Autistic Sensory Overload Shutdowns and Meltdowns Support Group
- Learning more from the Scottish Autism Society
I hope this article has been helpful. If you have any thoughts about the content or want to hear more about my experience, please message me on Instagram or Facebook.
This is part 2 of my series about my autistic journey! Click here for Part 1: Understanding where I sit on the Autistic Spectrum