Understanding Autism: Where do I sit on the Autistic Spectrum?

A few years ago, a few people suggested that I should see if I sit on the Autistic Spectrum. At the time, I didn’t proceed. However, now is the time to investigate.

I filled out the children/teenage SRS-2 Auto score form for autistic traits. This is a form that measures the severity of social deficits and symptoms. My raw score was 91 (severe for children). I also filled out the CAT-Q form that tells you how hard you are masking. I got a score of 130. This is relatively high. As taken from CAT-Q on Embrace-Autism:

“The CAT-Q measures the degree to which you use camouflaging strategies. The more you camouflage, the more of your autistic proclivities you are likely able to suppress. As such, a high camouflaging score can also account for lower scores on other autism tests. So if you don’t currently meet the diagnostic criteria but you still think you have autistic traits, then this could be why.”

As highlighted on Embrace Autism

Based on my scores, my GP supplied me with the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ-10) and Weiss Functional Impairment Rating Scale (WFIRS-S) forms. On AQ-10, my score was 8/10. If you score above 6, you get referred for an Autism Assessment. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn the WFIRS-S score yet. However, I was immediately referred to a psychiatrist for assessment.

Since then, I started researching what it would mean for me. I found Aspergers from the Inside Youtube channel particularly helpful. I’ve also found Embrace Autism very useful. I joined several Facebook groups. After watching a series of Youtube videos, I realised a few traits stand out. They explain many of the difficulties I had growing up and continue to have.  

There are many traits of autism, and so I have identified the ones I think I have: 

• I don’t tend to understand what someone else is thinking or feeling. I can watch someone do something and not comprehend why.
• My alone time is precious to me. I feel most like myself when I am alone. After socialising, I need time in front of a computer game or reading.
• Sometimes I can be a bit blunt. It isn’t personal. I tend to have a filter now, and I use Grammarly to filter what I say online.
• It can be challenging to answer without telling them everything I have been doing when people ask how I am. That is one extreme. To another extreme, I will have no idea how to answer if I am feeling overwhelmed.
• I love a ritual at work and at home. I am somewhat flexible as long as I can make a plan out of it, e.g. I can say that my routine is going to spend time with someone and what happens there is OK, even if it’s not a routine.
• I don’t tend to look people in the eye. I had to train myself to look at people’s eyes by watching Youtube, and even then, I won’t tend to look in people’s eyes for very long.
• I find loud noises and environments challenging, although I can be in them if I have something to focus on or someone to talk to. Usually, in these environments, I will wear my newly discovered earbuds that filter noise.  
• I see memories as an unorganised series of movies in my head. If something triggers them, it will take me back to that moment.
• Often I do not understand what the social protocols are. These are a complete mystery to me. I do tend to mask a lot which can be very tiring. Suppose I go quiet on a night out or in a social setting. In that case, I am tired of masking (when someone autistic learns, practices and performs specific behaviour to fit in). It does not mean that I am not having a good time.
• I have particular interests and will often talk about them. Sorry if it bores you!

These are a few of the traits that I have identified with. I am sure there are others I have but will await a formal diagnosis.

Watch this video to see further what life can be like for an autistic person. My life can be a bit like this, but not as extreme.