Work Related Stress – A Personal Story 8-Fin

My final article in this series. I wanted to share it with you before this year is finished.

After being signed off for a month, I had a very relaxing time. I went for long walks and cycles, did the gardening, and saw family. I also went for an interview in Glasgow, but sadly came second in the process (maybe due to the commute).

I arranged a meeting with my trade union to discuss the last two years. My father helped me prepare for and attend the meeting. I was warned that his attendance was only allowed as it was a casual meeting. We highlighted this new Improvement Plan. Pointed out all of the rules and laws that were not being followed and stressed that much of what had happened these last two years could be construed as harassment. There was no SMART plan, and none of these targets had measurable outcomes. We wanted someone from the union who specialised in restorative meetings to arrange one with my bosses, as neither trusted the other. My father told me he didn’t have to have such meetings till late in his career.

The occupational health nurse called me a week later to discuss my return to work. After a brief chat, he suggested getting a new job. I was to do a phased return and come to work on alternate half days the first week and alternate full days the second. I would have to go to a counsellor about stress and attend a course about it.

There was a return-to-work meeting the following week. “I object to you coming in when the doctor had signed you off.” my boss begins. He refers to the day I came in to attend the final meeting. I told him this, and he replied, “I didn’t organise any meeting”. “Interesting, why did Human Resources invite me to one then? ” I asked. 20 minutes of similar discussion is all that Human Resources can stand before moving the meeting on. They didn’t realise I had all day to keep playing ping-pong.

I asked for a copy of my new contract detailing my duties. This was refused in case I refused to do anything. I stated, for example, that my contract didn’t mention phone duties and that most people at my new level don’t answer phone calls. Tough, I was told. My new job will be exactly like my old one, but with increased supervision. There was to be no further discussion about what that means. I asked for details of a complaint filed against me. They couldn’t tell me who complained about me, what they complained about, or why. Interesting.

Please sign this Improvement Plan, I was told. My union advisor became involved and informed them that this was harassment. They backed down but told me I had to follow their plan; otherwise, I might be dismissed in October.

I went to my first counselling session and had a good chat with her. She was simply in note-taking mode. I also started going to the stress control course. If you need notes on this, I can dig them out.

After my counselling appointment, my boss asked me what I had discussed with my counsellor. A matter I thought was personal. I just talked about the stress I stuttered. I finally started getting back into the flow of things, although relationships are strained.

My counsellor taught me about the Parent-Adult-Child model regarding communication with my bosses. Essentially, every communication can be modelled as a Parent-Adult-Child relationship. A parent’s style can either be nurturing or critical. An adult can switch between Parent and Child, and a Child can be Adapted(resistant) or Free (playful). My communication style with my boss was Critical Parent to Adapted Child. I decided to change it to Adult. This made little difference. I gradually realised that I was the only one making any effort.

One evening, after a particularly hard week, I was out with some friends at a comedy show. On the way home, a girl I had a thing for told me I was one of her best friends. When I got home, I was in a daze with everything that had happened. I sat down in my hall, curled up and stared at the wall for 30 minutes. Coming to, I picked up the two leaflets that had been delivered for the Referendum – one promising that the world would be full of roses if we left the UK and the other telling us we were all going to die if we did, or at least the place would be like a slum. Neither was very accurate – I had done my research, so I immediately disregarded it. I wandered to the living room and started thinking about one of my goals: travel. I decided to quit my job at that moment.

Several people gave me advice, ranging from “Just do it” to “What will you do with no job?” I decided I didn’t care, so with a light heart, I handed in my notice and set my final day of work to be a month after the Referendum – October 18th. Incidentally, this was the month I was told I would be let go. I gave them two months’ notice to get their affairs in order with me.

A colleague informed me that I would be very busy during the last two weeks of my time there. This had been agreed at a meeting I wasn’t invited to. Several projects needed to be finished. “I’ll do what I can do”, I replied, only to be told I had a bad attitude. I just smiled and nodded – I didn’t really care.

In the final week, my trade union rep suggested that I consider taking action against my employer, but after some investigation and a little thought, I decided it wasn’t even worth the effort. I want to leave and be done with the place. A more senior rep told me, “It seems like you have been shit all over from a great height.” I agreed and wished everyone great happiness in the future.

Leaving was one of the best decisions I made. I learned all about work politics. Most of the lessons I learned there, the good and the bad, will stay with me forever. I am much happier, wiser and less bothered by people’s thoughts. I went travelling and intend to do more. I have to check off that bucket list. I got another job very soon after returning. One lesson I learned was that you should never let anyone tell you they are your only option!

If anyone is experiencing similar issues or needs any advice about anything in this series, please drop me a line!

I hope you enjoyed reading, and Happy New Year!