After I had set goals, things became more manageable. I researched flats, how to budget for them and set some goals. It should be in town, near enough to my friends that they can drop in and near enough to my family that I can go visit.
I chose somewhere. I arranged the finances and set the move-in date. I booked time off work for it. I was invited to a business meeting the day before my move-in date. I declined and moved in with my family’s help. Assertiveness is winning!
Just before I moved in, I was nervous/scared. I now had to be responsible? What sort of crap is this?! What if I failed? At the same time, it’s empowered. I was now in charge!
If you have never set up your own home before, you spend weeks living with no furniture, the wrong furniture, or out of a box. Fun times!
My mid-year appraisal came around at work. Things seem to go well, with one complaint about planning. I could have moved in on a different date. My 4-month-old plan conflicted with a plan set the week before. Apparently, this goes beyond what an employer can discuss in such a meeting.
3 new services launched in rapid succession. The number of things I have to deal with has now doubled or quadrupled. The number of customers is now 50 times what I used to deal with, and saying I needed help with something became harder and harder. I should have all the answers. Any issues that occur are my fault. Some of them are and have nothing to do with me, but I had to accept responsibility anyway. If I said something would take x amount of time, I should reduce that by 1/3; otherwise, the customer won’t pay.
After a while, you become overwhelmed with the number of things you must deal with. Each time there is an issue of some sort, it’s just another thing on your mind. You learn not to care. Every time another problem occurs that you have to fix, you lose a little more of the will to do it. Your spark dies slowly and surely. You dread coming to work every day.
Clients have issues with the services, but they are 10 times better than before. They can now manage their business anywhere. I realised that there should be a process to protect the customers. It works 80% of the time.
When I went to speak to someone about stress at work, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I even marked the date on my calendar! I tell them my vision for the future, how I dread going to work, and how this is affecting my eating, drinking and sleeping. Emails I have received are either passive-aggressive or just downright aggressive. I don’t have all the answers, and when I don’t, I should just get on with it. Are there any courses that can help deal with this?
They tell you you should have come to them sooner if you were burned out. They will get you some courses on managing stress. They thought I could handle this because I am a bloody good employee. Most people seem to think they can work out of a situation. This isn’t true. Talking to others is the best way to get out of a situation. Their way of coping is to keep a notebook beside their bed to write down ideas.
New times, new challenges!
Read on for Part 4
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